Homophobia, the law and Gender Stereotyping

Campbell River will hold its third Walk Away From Homophobia on May 14, 2009. On May 17, 1990 the World Health Organisation removed homosexuality from its list of mental illnesses. Since then, many countries, including Canada, have designated May 17 as the International Day Against Homophobia.

Over the years, Canadian law has gradually recognised that non-heterosexual people deserve to share in basic human rights. In 1969, the Canadian government decriminalised private same-sex sexual acts between two consenting people over the age of 21. Twenty-one years later, as mentioned above, it was officially accepted that homosexuality was not a mental illness. Not until 1996, however, did the Canadian Human Rights Act prohibit discrimination on the grounds of sexual orientation.

Attitudes and beliefs change slowly; especially given the fear and prejudice (homophobia), and the silence, that surround the issue of homosexuality. Therefore, despite official recognition that people of diverse sexual orientations deserve respect and equality of opportunity, discrimination is still rampant. Related to homophobia is the rigidity with which “gender-appropriate” behaviours are enforced in our society. When a child displays behaviours that are considered inappropriate for his or her gender, he or she often experiences rejection or punishment from family and community members. The child receives a clear message that acceptance and approval are conditional on heterosexuality and “gender-appropriate” behaviour. An interest in playing with dolls does not prove that a boy is gay, nor can it influence his sexuality; however, generally it is strongly discouraged, based on these fears (or sometimes on a fear of negative reactions from the community).

Gentleness is not admired in males in our society. Nor, for females, are assertiveness, ambition, putting oneself first, or interest and competence in areas of interest or expertise that traditionally have been regarded as "male". Gentle boys and "tomboyish" girls often are assumed (incorrectly) to be homosexual. Boys are taught from an early age to repress and conceal all softer emotions. They are taught that aggression is an admired male trait, and is an acceptable way to have their needs met. Is it any wonder then that there is a high incidence of bullying, and of violence (e.g., against women and non-heterosexual people) in our communities?

Bullying as a Means of Enforcing Social Norms

Bullying is a serious problem in almost every school across Canada. Perhaps the ugliest and most violent varieties of bullying are those arising from racism and homophobia. We are all bombarded with racist and homophobic messages every day, and with messages that aggression “pays”; that it gets us what we want, whether this is the most coveted toy or success or admiration (or merely not to be bullied ourselves). Children and youths are not immune to these messages.

Bullying could be stopped pretty quickly if everyone got involved. Silence and inaction are seen as tacit support. If bullies received a clear message that this behaviour is not admired or tolerated, there would be no incentive to bully. If it became clear that bullying is not tolerated, more students would get involved. Currently, in most schools, few do, because of a fear of being bullied in turn. It is up to all of us.

Research suggests that lesbian, gay and bisexual students are 2-5 times more likely to skip school and that 28% drop out. I believe that the true figures are higher, as the majority of GLBTQ (gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered and queer) people do not identify themselves as such. The Massachusetts Department of Education’s Youth Risk Behaviour Survey (1999) states that 20% of gay, lesbian and bisexual students had skipped school in the past month because they had felt unsafe either at or en route to school.

Bullying is a means of social control. There is terrific pressure on children and youths to conform to what our society considers gender-appropriate behaviour. Children in Grade 2 are taunted, harassed and bullied for behaviours deemed non-gender-appropriate. Tomboyish girls, however, experience far less disapproval and rejection than do boys who are perceived as too sensitive, gentle or “emotional” (interpreted as “sissy”). I am a middle-aged, heterosexual woman who climbed trees and played baseball with the boys; I was never very interested in playing with dolls. I do not remember experiencing any negative consequences because of these preferences.

I attribute both my interests and the lack of repercussions at least partly to society’s messages about which traits and behaviours are more admired. Girls receive a clear message in our culture that men and “men’s pursuits and traits” are more admired than are women and traits that are labelled “feminine”. Similarly, men’s concerns, needs and wants are seen as more important than those of women. We are all affected in some way by these pervasive messages; for example, in my youth I perceived girls and women as boring, weak and unimportant. I believed that only men talked about and did interesting things. If there was some truth in this, I think that the primary reason was that women had little time or energy for pursuits outside of the cooking, cleaning, gardening, childcare and nurturing for which we were (and often still are, even when we work full-time!) expected to assume sole responsibility. Only when I went to university did I begin to see that women were real, complex people. Some women of my mother’s generation (even those who are very intelligent and independent) still think that men are superior to women. Such is the power of social conditioning.

If a boy likes to play with dolls he is reviled as being “girly”, on the fear or assumption that he might or must be or become homosexual. He is told not to cry and not to show too much empathy for anyone else; he is pushed to be “tough”, hard, independent and an individualist. The message that young boys take from such admonitions is that any display of gentleness, nurturing or emotion (apart from anger) is “girly” and despised; they learn at an early age to “stomp” on these parts of themselves, to hide and deny them. They learn also to harass and bully other boys who appear “soft” (kind, gentle, sensitive), in an effort to prove their own masculinity to themselves and others; sometimes in order to avoid being bullied themselves. “At a time when heterosexual adolescents are learning how to socialize, young gay people are learning to hide” (Hetrick &Martin, 1984).

Prejudice against non-heterosexual people in our society is widespread. Historically, our culture has viewed homosexuality as a sin, a crime or an illness. These beliefs die hard. They are supported by groundless stereotypes and the silence of even well-meaning people. One well-known stereotype is that homosexual men are child molesters. Highly publicised scandals such as child abuse by priests work to support such stereotypes and prejudices. Creditable research indicates that homosexual people are no more likely to be child abusers than are heterosexual. Abuse can and does happen where there are power imbalances and opportunity. Priests have abused children because they had unsupervised access to children who were unable adequately to defend themselves, not because the priests were homosexual. “Straight” men also molest boys.

An argument often used in an attempt to justify homophobia is that homosexuality is unnatural or a sin. How can homosexuality be unnatural when it is not uncommon in the wild animal kingdom? How can something be a sin if it hurts no one and infringes on no one’s rights ; for example, as in homosexual behaviour between consenting adults?

Choice, Suicide and Action

Is homosexuality a choice? Some people continue to insist that it is. Does it seem logical to argue that anyone would “choose” to be what is so widely met with discrimination, persecution, bullying, rejection, contempt, hatred, beatings, torture—and even murder? On the contrary, I believe that these common reactions of our society to non-heterosexuality (and even merely perceived, not actual homosexuality) and non-conforming gender identities persuades many non-heterosexual people to “pass” as heterosexual. Who would choose all this rejection? It takes great courage to be openly gay in our society. By passing, people who were born non-heterosexual pay the heavy price of denying a part of their identity, perhaps even of despising or being ashamed of whom they are. In addition, non-heterosexual people live in constant fear of being “found out”.

According to the 2003 Canadian Community Health Survey, 1.9 % of men and 1.6 % of women between 18 and 59 years old reported being homosexual or bisexual ( Statistics Canada). Given how pervasive homophobia is in our society, I think it is safe to assume that these figures represent the “tip of the iceberg”. I would be surprised if there is one person who does not have at least one non-heterosexual relative. Many of us may not know that we have, because it is not safe to “come out” in Campbell River.

Isn’t it time that all who believe that homophobia is unwarranted, ugly and harmful stand up and be counted? For many years, I have been aware of homophobia. I have felt sad, angry and outraged at the ugliness and violence with which non-heterosexual people are often treated. I have felt helpless; overwhelmed at the enormity of the task of eliminating prejudice. I have done nothing to change the situation. I have smiled at homophobic "jokes" and "teasing" directed at my beloved homosexual brother because of a personal need to be accepted by some other family members, and hated myself for betraying my own values / beliefs and for adding to the assault on someone I love deeply. Recently, I have become more aware that inaction—just as well as collusion—supports prejudice, discrimination and violence. Silence, fear and ignorance help to keep this ugliness going.

I have heard people speak of their experiences of being non-heterosexual in the Campbell River area—of the ridicule, rejection, torment and violence. I have heard a young man from Campbell River talk about being rejected in his family and subjected to violence and torment in his community. At the age of 15 he fled to the anonymity of Vancouver, and engaged in some very self-destructive survival tactics for a time. That this young man went on to create a positive and productive life for himself, against tremendous odds, is to me one of life’s miracles and a testimony to the strength and resilience of the human spirit. Not everyone has such strength.

Research suggests that between 20% and 50% of young gay men attempt suicide (Botnick et al, 2002; Bagley & Tremblay, 1996), compared to 7% of all youth (Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, 2004-2005). Among hate-crime victims, half of people assumed to be gay or lesbian are injured, compared to one quarter of victims from other categories (Statistics Canada, 2004). In Winnipeg, 49% of the GBLTQ community reported that they have been verbally or physically assaulted, under the assumption of non-heterosexuality. In BC, a 1999 McCreary Center Society adolescent health survey found that 46% of lesbian and gay youth surveyed had attempted suicide at least once, and that almost 25% had attempted suicide in the previous year.

I want to live in a community where we can all feel safe, respected, valued and included. If we want a more inclusive community we will have to create it. A good beginning might be for all of us who do, to begin identifying ourselves, standing up for what we believe in, and initiating a dialogue with one another. Let’s join forces to end the fear and silence, and to support the right of people to be who they are, without fear.

For information on how you can help to make Campbell River a more inclusive community, contact CRMISA (Ph: 830-0171;
e-mail: tara.jordan@crimsa.ca).

I will be part of the May 14 Walk Away From Homophobia. I hope you will be, too.

Ellen Robertson